D.T. Krippene

~ Searching for Light in the Darkness

D.T. Krippene

Tag Archives: Humor

Happy Valentine’s Day – I Bought You a Shovel

14 Friday Feb 2014

Posted by dtkrippene in Humor

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Humor, Shoveling Snow, Snowbound, Valentine's Day, Winter Blues

Out the Kitchen Door - Feb 14, 2014

DT Krippene:  Out the Kitchen Door – Feb 14, 2014

Ah … L-Amour.  Let me measure the depth of my love for you.  TWO FEET.  I’d use inches, but you’d get the wrong idea.

I know you wanted chocolates, my dear, but I bought two shovels  instead.  Aren’t they cute?  His and hers, and I made sure to get bright red, the color of love.  It’s easy to find if you drop it in a snow drift.  Think of the fun we’ll have, side by side like the pioneers of yesteryear.  Afterwards, we can build a snowman, or snowwoman, laugh at our icy Michelangelo sculpture with anatomically correct parts. I didn’t realize all you have is flat tops for shoes.  Maybe an extra pair of socks will help.

I know we had reservations at Maxim’s, but I think they’re closed.  I forgot to hit the store yesterday, but I have some Vienna sausage and a can of cream of celery soup.  Might have some jerky left over from my last hunting trip. We can warm our toes by the fire in our long johns, drink the airline miniature liquor samples I’ve been hoarding for days like this, maybe watch Groundhog Day. Yeah, we’ve seen it, but 14th time’s a charm.  Oh, forgot to mention the weather forecast.  They’re calling for another 4-6 inches tomorrow.  Won’t that be fun?  We can sing the holiday classic – “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow?”

What’s that, my dear?  Go what myself ….?

Hey, come on now.  Isn’t my fault that Punxsutawney gopher got all transgender on us, changed his name to Phyllis and said she wasn’t coming out until May.  No, dear, that was caused by something called a polar vortex.  The arctic Inuit natives put a whammy on us southerners for causing global warming and melting the ice packs, messing up a lifestyle that goes back thousands of years. I think those rascally Canadians caused this storm.  They got it out for us … something about wanting to share the love … of winter.  Sure, we can pack up and visit your sister in South Carolina, but the car has been buried in a snowdrift by the road plow.  They charge a fine for parking in a snow emergency route?  I didn’t know it was going to be an emergency.  Besides, your sister got a foot of snow as well and her town doesn’t have road plows like ours, so consider ourselves lucky.

Should have gone to the Olympics in Sochi, I hear the weather is balmy.  What?   I thought it was funny.  Gee whiz, what a grumpy pants.

Hey, look what I found … a couple of Hershey kisses left over from Christmas.  Looks like you’ll get chocolate after all.  Give me a hug.

Oh, babe … you kiss your mother with that mouth?

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Never Too Old to Wii

22 Wednesday Jan 2014

Posted by dtkrippene in The Humor Zone

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Dancing, Family Fun, Humor, Nintendo, Video Games, Wii

From: Photobucket.com

From: Photobucket.com

Now before you go and think this an advertisement for adult pampers, check the spelling.  It’s called “Wii”, that home game craze every family owns for entertainment (except mine of course).  I remember a time in my life when video games held my attention.  I was obsessed with the game, Doom, and subsequent upgrades.  Then life came along, kids, a little thing called responsibility, and gaming took whatever form entertained the kids.  Doom was not on the approved list.  Now that the kids have flown the coop, I haven’t touched a game pad of any kind for two decades, and never felt a need to rediscover anything that keeps me from writing.

While together with my daughters over the holidays, they introduced me to Wii. My first reaction was … it’s a kid’s thing?  I mean, really, it lacked serious graphics popular in today’s gaming community, it’s character icons a throwback to Weebleville. Doom had better resolution in the nineties.  And what a creative name for it … wee … something toddlers scream when riding the plastic horsey at grocery stores.

You know where this is going.

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Hotter than 50 Shades of Grey

02 Saturday Nov 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in The Humor Zone

≈ Comments Off on Hotter than 50 Shades of Grey

Tags

Capsaicin, Chili Peppers, Hot Sauces, Humor, Mo Hotta Mo Betta, Pepper Festival, Scoville Unit, Spice, Spicy Food

From: MoHottaMoBetta.cm

From: MoHottaMoBetta.com

It’s getting cold out there, and I’m about to make my esophagus searing chili. I call it “Dante’s Nine Circles of Smoking Hell”.  People sometimes ask why I voluntarily put myself through tear-inducing misery of first and secondary degree burns to the salivary glands. It’s not just a male ritual thing, like opening beer bottles with our teeth, you’d be surprised how many women love spice in more than just their romance novels.

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A Guising We Will Go

25 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in Musing

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

All Hallows Eve, Autumn Holiday, Candy, Guising, Halloween, holidays, Humor, Trick-or Treat

DepositPhotos.com - James Molgaard

DepositPhotos.com – James Molgaard

I love this time of year. Geese are flying in the wrong direction, teen boys still wear shorts in freezing weather, and soon, costumed adolescents will wander to the door in search of free handouts.  Who’d have thought a pagan ritual from yesteryear would be so popular.  With all the invented holidays proudly supported by card making companies, Halloween remains in the top three.  It’s the start of the real season, a preamble of sorts to November’s demise of Big Bird’s cousin and the bankrupting king of holidays, Christmas.   Enjoy yourself.  After January, we enter the bleak phase of our calendar where holidays go on … holiday.  Don’t even think about Valentine’s Day being a holiday.

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Branding – It’s Not Just for Madison Avenue Anymore

18 Wednesday Sep 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in On Writing, Writing Dystopian Themes

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Author Brand, Author Profile, Blogging, Book Marketing, Branding, Humor, Jan O'Hara, Light in the Darkness, Lori Nix, Social Media, Website Banner, Writer Unboxed, Writing, Young Adult

Fotoscool - Depositphotos.com

Fotoscool – Depositphotos.com

My name is DT. I once was a chronic Brand avoider.

The collective assembly replies. Hi …. DT.

I follow a number of diverse blogs on the writing craft and publishing.  The subject of establishing an author “brand” comes up frequently.  We’ve all heard it, to succeed in marketing a story in today’s environment, an author needs to establish a brand relevant to the author’s work as part of a total social media package.  A recent article by Jan O’Hara rekindled the memory of how I struggled to think like Madison Avenue, so much so, I put it off for way too long. Resurrecting a post written last year on the trials of creating a website, I would like to recall those random thoughts on how I discovered my brand.

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Mosquitoes Have a Hall Pass from Extinction

08 Sunday Sep 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in Musing, Writing Dystopian Themes

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Dystopian, Extinction, Humor, Mosquitoes, Mozzies, nature, Writing Science Fiction

František Czanner-Depositphotos.com

František Czanner-Depositphotos.com

I’m sure you’re first thought upon reading the title, there goes ole DT, off on another weird subject.  Can’t help it, I like unusual subject matter, especially if it can relate to the dystopian, apocalyptic stories I write.  Summer is nearly over, but the Culicidae parasite is still in high season.  Plenty of biting insects fill the roster of least favorite critters in this world, but none are as universally despised by the global community than mosquitoes, or mozzies as the Aussies like to say.  In my latest tale, a future where humans teeter on the edge of extinction, our hero ponders why mosquitoes continue to have free reign of the environment when 95% of the human race has perished from a plague virus.

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Texting – Conversational Spam

20 Tuesday Aug 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in The Humor Zone

≈ 11 Comments

Tags

Cell Phones, Conversational Spam, Humor, IMing, IPhones, SMS, Talking, Teen Behavior, Text Messaging, Texting

Stock_Vector_blue67_Depositphotos.com

Stock_Vector_blue67_Depositphotos.com

I read an article recently that ten percent of Americans do not own a cell phone.  Really?  How can they possibly hope to speak the new age language of texting?  The stats must be heavily skewed to include religious orders who take vows of silence, full time participants of historical reenactment parks, and children under the age of five (though I’ve heard many of this age class are born with innate skill).  It’s hard to fathom a subclass of people who don’t text at red lights, standing at the check-out counter, or sending text replies while pretending to listen — standing in front of me, as if I can’t see them ignoring me.

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Transit Station to New Beginnings

23 Thursday May 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in Musing

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Adjusting to Normal, Coming Home, Homebody, Humor, Lost in America, New Beginnings, Transitions, Travel

Andy Dean - DepositPhoto.com

Andy Dean – DepositPhoto.com

A few weeks ago I posted an article about Going Off the Grid. My first international trip since 2008, it wasn’t so much not wanting to travel after living in Asia for a decade, it was more a desire to enjoy home and family after being away for so long.

Once the owner of three airline platinum cards and a passport the thickness of a small bible, I’d forgotten how to travel.  Still had the passport, but I was relegated to boarding zone 8 and seats designed for hobbits. Add insult to injury, I neglected to properly fill out the required landing papers (I was a little out of practice). The immigration officer in Managua thumbed through my thick passport, looked at me and said, “Have you not gotten used to this by now?”  Apparently not.

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My Self Doesn’t Want Any Self-Help

11 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by dtkrippene in Musing

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Advice, Humor, Motivation, Self Help Books, Self Improvement

Andrew Genn - DepositPhoto

Andrew Genn – DepositPhoto

Books are an important part of my life.  Fiction in all its multicolored genres, are my preference.  Non-fiction is fine, if there is something uniquely scientific or historical I can learn.  Self help books?  Worse than eating liver.  I will admit to being someone who probably needs a self-help book or two, but at my age, I’ve made peace with my flaws.  God made me this way, which is why I’m convinced he has a great sense of humor.

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We’re Still Here

21 Friday Dec 2012

Posted by dtkrippene in Dystopian Subjects

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Apocalypse, Dystopia, Humor, Mayan Calender, Nostradamus, Survivalists

Depositphoto.com

Depositphoto.com

If you’re reading this note, it would appear the Mayan’s have messed up the date
for the apocalypse.  So much for the sacrifice of young maidens who gave their lives to bring you the world’s end.  My heart goes out to them … no pun intended.  And what’s with the poor Mayan with the big schnozzle?

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About DT

dtkrippene

dtkrippene

A native of Wisconsin and Connecticut, DT deserted aspirations of being a biologist to live the corporate dream and raise a family. After seven homes, a ten-year stint working in Asia, and an imagination that never slept, his muse refused to be hobbled as a mere dream. A member of the Bethlehem Writers Group and Greater Lehigh Valley Writers Group, DT writes apocalyptic science fiction, paranormal, and parallel universe science fantasy. DT has published several short stories. “Hell of a Deal”, in the paranormal collection, Untethered, and most recently, “Man’s Best Friend”, in the 2021 Best Indie Book for Fiction, Fur, Feathers, and Scales. He also appeared in the Write Here – Write Now short story collection with his middle-grade paranormal, “Locker 33C”. An active member of the Bethlehem Writers Group, he’s been a featured author in the BWG Writers Roundtable Magazine, and will appear in the July 2021 Summer Issue with “Hot as Sin”. His latest project is an apocalyptic tale of humans on the edge extinction, and a young man born years after surviving humans had been rendered sterile. You can find D.T. on his website, Searching for Light in the Darkness, and his social media links on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

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